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What does it take to help a man or a women overcome an addiction as powerful as crack cocaine addiction?
What does it take to give any human the motivation to do the right thing? Why do we do anything that we do? This bring to mind four words, desire, obligation, sincerity and motivation.
If I were to send my dad a birthday card and decided to buy one of those pre-made Hallmark cards, sign it, and send it....what feelings from him would that invoke? Well, I am sure he would be happy that I remembered but would he wonder just how sincere I was?
What if I sat down and created my own birthday card and wrote my own personal birthday message to him? What feelings would that invoke? Well, I can guarentee the card I made would not end up in the garbage like the Hallmark card probably would.
What if I was told by my daughter that she had a dance recital and wanted me to come. Would just showing up be sufficient? Well, most kids are very proud and happy if their parents show up for an event they are are in. But how different would her feelings be if she knew my motivation for coming? What if I told her, "yes, I can come but I really shouldn't because I have too much work to do." Would she feel guilty that she ever asked me? Would she even be motivated to do well? On the other hand if I showed up without being asked and asked her questions like, "how long did it take you to learn that dance or what part did you like best? Her feelings would be much different don't you think? My motivation for coming and my sincerity in asking her questions showed my desire to be involved in her life and her program...therefore, her motivation to do well increases.
God created us to need companionship, but that companionship has to be out of sincere desire to be effective.
There are many things that the non-user can do to help support the user. Show them this website. Call a rehab center and make an appointment for them. Drive them to a meeting and drop them off. Hide your money, hide the car keys, etc. and all of these are a great start, but NONE of those things will make the user stop if they are not ready. And how ready do you think they are really going to be if all your willing to do is take them to the dance and pick them up when its over?
So how do you help them make the decision to stop? Unfortunately you can't. Sure, you can do things to make them want to stop like kick them out, leave them, call them names, or take the more positive approach and tell them that crack may kill them and you don't want them to die. You can throw the guilt trip on them and tell them they aren't being a good parent or spouse when they use crack. All of these things will make the user stop and think, but he will not stop until he hits that point that he truly wants to stop. Everyone is different. What worked for me might not work for another.
My success was because I had a mom and dad that supported me by being involved in my recovery. Since day one they spent hours reading all they could find in order to learn more about this addiction and how it effects the user so that they could understand how it effected me, which in turn helped them to better support me. They could have easily told me that it was my problem or that I chose to be an addict so I had to deal with it myself. The old, "You made your bed now you have to sleep in it," adage.
The fact that they were "involved" in my recovery with me made all the difference.
Support..... Can true support come from a person that knows nothing about what they are supporting? If you give a few dollars to help the cause of hunger or homelessness are you really supporting it? How can true support come if you don't get involved?
Non-user if you think showing the user the URL to a website, buying them a book or even sending them away to a rehab so that you don't have to be involved is truly helping and supporting them, you might as well shoot them in the head yourself. Don't get me wrong, these steps are nessessary, but if thats all your willing to do then your not really helping at all.
Humans NEED companionship and it must be more than just saying "I support you", "Good job" "hey read this" it MUST come from a true, genuine, sincere desire to be involved in their recovery not just simply showing up to watch.
If you are a non-user and truly want to help save a users life. Be involved in their recovery 100% WITH them and do it out of a sincere desire to help them not out of obligation.
I guarantee you
that the user will have much more success if they know that someone is concerned about "what they are doing in a program of recovery" and not just that they are doing it.
A crack addict does not chose to be a crack addict. Sure they make the bad choice to use the first time but they do not chose the evil possession that follows. So you should never tell them that it is just their problem if you claim to love them and want to truly support them.
The success or failure of their recovery is very much dependent on whether the non-using loved one becomes sincerely involved or just sits in the stands and reads the paper. Everyone wants and needs to feel that someone loves them unconditionally and will support them by being involved.
God created man in His own image... Non-User you have been given free will, therefore if you feel all you must do is buy a book or point them to a website to support them, then you might as well go ahead and tell them they are on their own because they are. If you truly want to see them do well and be motivated to succeed, then join the dance floor with them, don't just sit at the table eating finger foods while giving them the occasional thumbs up, because if you do their motivation to keep dancing will eventually slide right out the door.
I guess I should clearify that it is not the non-users responsibility to "work a program" for the user....this is in fact the users responsibility.
....However, just as it wasn't my responsibility to get up on the stage at one of my daughter's dance recitals and help her make the right moves, her motivation to get up there and do it was greatly increased by the fact that I was involved and had a sincere desire to be there.
Get involved----save a life!
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