Support is a Choice

I know it has to be very frustrating and confusing to be in the position of the non-user.

Especially if the non-user WAS a user at one time. However, if that is the case it does put you in a position where you can relate to the users in-ability to stop. This can be a good thing or bad. Good in that you can empathise and know what needs to be done, but bad in that you don't want to be around it anymore.

Unfortunately there are no "perfect" answers to the situation because everyone is different. I would love to be able to say that what worked for me, as far as what my wife did, will work for all, but that it isn't always that simple.

What I will throw out is this: The non-user has to decide, "do I want to stay around and support, help, love, supervise, chasten, etc.... or do I want to leave and let them do it on there own. In my case, my wife kicked me out numerous times and then eventually kicked me out for good and asked for a divorce, but that wasn't until 5 years of using had passed and she had had enough. When she did however, take that step. I finally got serious about quitting.

So, as the non-user, if you decide to stay in the users life and help, support, love, etc... you must realize that it will not be an easy task. You will be lied to. You will be worried most of the time and you will see horrible behavior, that's just a fact. You will feel like throwing in the towel most of the time, but I would like to encourage you to not give up to easily.

On the other hand, you may decide you can't take it and do not want to be involved anymore and if that's the case, I am sure you have your reasons, but if you aren't going to be involved, you have to NOT BE involved,  because fading in and out of support will only confuse and exasperate the situation.

You either "do" or you "don't" but if you chose to "do," then you must stand firm and be involved 100%.

It really comes down to what you feel you can take or not take. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own breaking point, and everyone has different ways of handling stress, so its not easy to give an "absolute" answer... but I do know that every crack-addict THINKS they want to stop, and they actually believe they are trying to stop, and for whatever reason they stop and start over and over and over again. This makes it hard for the non-users to be sure.

Sometimes it takes drastic measures to make that user finally get serious.. and if that means the non-using partner leaves or kicks them out, then so be it.. something has to wake them up to the fact that they are going to lose everything if they don't quit.

In the case of an ex-user being the non-using partner, try and remember what it was like for you and do not expect this user to be different, but try and use what made you finally stop to help them. That is if you decide to stay. If you can't take it and leave, you have a right to because you don't need to be tempted after finding freedom.

The non-using partner has a crappy task and I do not envy anyone in that position.

If the user has not come to that place where they are going to make an effort to ALLOW you to support them, then you have to do something to give them a REASON to want to make an effort.

God Bless all of you that are trying to help a user!!